Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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