i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
