Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and she was petting her beer can
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
