Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
