I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize