I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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