Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
