You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
