I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
