I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No stitches, just platelets and will power
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
