you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
