I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
