before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
