Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
