It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
