she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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