dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
