i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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