I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
