dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
