i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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