I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
