I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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