whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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