guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
