i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
