Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
