I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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