Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
