Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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