So drunk its hurt
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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