if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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