Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
