he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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