yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
