I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
