I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
