Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is wine microwaveable?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
