I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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