It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
