They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
