I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize