My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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