here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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