are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
