I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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