I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize