I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
