Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
