I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The Olympian is in my bed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize