The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
