we have pet lesbian snakes
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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