I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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