I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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