Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Still dying that you shit outside
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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