just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
