Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
