:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
