i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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