I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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