I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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