finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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