Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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