I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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