um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize