I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
