Need sex. Gaining weight.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
