Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
