I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
