TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
