I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
