Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude i'm inner monologue high
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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