I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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