She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
