i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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