Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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