my mouth tastes like poor choices
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
