Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
