I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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