HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
