dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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