I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
