So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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