Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
