Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
