Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize