Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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