one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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