Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
