My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sext me about skeletons
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