well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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