you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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