you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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