we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
