i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
