I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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