be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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