butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
