Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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