5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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