Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
