i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
