I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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