True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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